Sep 02 2010
After-wedding celebration – gift etiquette?
One of my co-workers who I am friendly with (we get together outside of work) was informed that her daughter just eloped in Vegas. She is very happy for them & her friends are happy for her.
She is planning a party at her home in 2 weeks to celebrate – just a BBQ type thing. She has said “I just want to celebrate with my friends & family and you get to meet my daughter & new son-in-law”. She also specifically said “no gifts please”.
A couple co-workers & I are thinking a little congratulatory card & small gift is appropriate – it is a celebration & something we would like to do for our friend’s daughter, especially since she didn’t have any showers or a wedding with guests that would have given gifts. Since the couple lives out of state, I was thinking a $25 gift card to Target would be nice (I’ve checked there is a Target in her town/state).
Is that too cheap of a gift or acceptable?
You are correct that we have not met her daughter before.
I and at least two other friends/co-workers were going to get $25 gift cards to the same store so we know she could group them together to possibly buy a larger item or she could get smaller stuff, too, if she wanted.
My friend, whose daughter got married, said “no gifts” because she didn’t want anyone to feel obligated as people would feel if they were attending a wedding. The couple did not say “no gifts”. And I have a very strong suspicion that my friend said ‘no gifts’ because we know her, not her daughter, and again -she didn’t want anyone feeling obligated.
Also, I am thinking of the couple when I decided on a gift card because they are going to have to get on a plane & go home after the party and I didn’t want to inconvenience them with a bulky gift that they would then be responsible for transporting home. A gift card, which could easily slip into a wallet or purse doesn’t pose a shipping problem and they could use it for something they need.
14 responses so far
14 Responses to “After-wedding celebration – gift etiquette?”
I think that is perfectly acceptable. I take it you haven’t met the daughter before, so really, anything is more than generous
Acceptable. It is a co-worker’s daughter, not a co-worker. They also said “no gifts”, it is a nice gesture and I think appropriately sized. Target’s awesome too, so many fantastic things for a newlywed…or anyone for that matter
Since she specifically said, ‘No Gifts’ anything you give is more than enough.
I think the gift is good especially since she mention she didn’t want any gifts.
i think it’s nice of you to get her a gift, no matter what the amount. if you can do more, go for it, if you can’t, don’t worry. you can get cute stuff for your house at target for $25!
I think in this situation that’s a perfect gift.
It sounds as if you haven’t met your friends daughter before… and if i were to get a 25$ gift card from someone i never met, i would be more then thrilled.
Its a very nice gesture, and i don’t think your friend will be mad.. because she stated no gifts and all.
I think its awesome that there are people out there like you. who take friendship seriously and still do nice things for your friends and their families… Kudos!
Good Luck in whatever you decide!
This is fine, and it would be fine even if she hadn’t said “no gifts”. With weddings, gift giving is attached to the ceremony, not the reception or a post wedding celebration. It’s nice that you’re putting something together for her and I’m sue she’ll appreciate it.
Normally, I’d think it might be fun to “dress up” the gift card in a small basket or bag and include maybe a split of champagne or something, but she won’t be opening anything at the event, so the card by itself is great.
I think it’s a nice gesture, and not “cheap” at all.
if she said no gifts, bring a card only with a nice sentiment. don’t kill yourself putting so much thought into this. if this couple wanted wedding gifts, they wouldn’t have eloped. that’s why I’m paying my dues planning a wedding for 100 people, because I know gifts are coming to me.
Wow, I think it is great. You certainly don’t have to do anything since you don’t know them and since they said no gifts so I think that is wonderful. I am sure they will appreciate it and be happily surprised.
A $25 gift card from each person for the same store (Target) is a great idea and an appropriate gift. Your co-worker will remember your kindness towards her daughter.
Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant
I think that is acceptable since you have never met her before.
That sounds very nice and thoughtful.
While it was indicated this is not a gift-giving event, I don’t think it could hurt to give her this compact gift, I doubt the couple will feel inconvenienced by a gift card.
What the heck about ‘no gifts please’ do you not understand? Did anyone else seem to get that very important bit you wrote in your question- she said ‘no gifts please’? Just about everyone who answered your question focused on how nice it would be to give a gift, but she asked that no one do that (does anyone listen to what people say anymore?!!)! A card, yes, but she specifically asked that no one send gifts, so why are you ignoring her request and giving her a gift anyway? This is pretty rude, although you think you’re being nice. It’s not about what YOU want to do, it’s about HER. So send her a card, yes (it didn’t say no cards, so why not send a card), but ‘no gifts please’! Yeesh! Maybe she doesn’t have time to send thank you notes to people and that’s why she requested no gifts. Maybe- like me- she has NO ROOM for anything extra in her house, even if it’s a gift certificate from Target.
Think about it- you’re going to embarrass all the other people who didn’t give her a gift, just as she asked.
If I were her, I’d be a little ticked if you did send a gift- I’d think you weren’t listening to me and didn’t give a damn about what I wanted, which was no gifts. And then you would probably get ticked because you would think how ungrateful it is not to accept your gift.
Also, what if she’s not a fan of Target (although most people are…but for a wedding gift?)?
This seem to be an epidemic- people who don’t listen to what people tell or specifically ask them, or worse yet, half pay attention and get the story all wrong because they weren’t listening carefully. Who cares what YOU want to do? Be respectful of other people’s wishes.
Send a card with some THOUGHT written in it- it’s probably a heck of a lot more meaningful.
End of sermon.