Aug 28 2010
Wedding shower etiquette regarding gift from hostess?
My niece and I are giving my step-daughter a post-wedding shower. I believe it is customary for the bride maids or girlfriends to do it, but it just never happened so we took the job. My question is this….my husband and I paid for her wedding, gave her a gift at the wedding, bought and gave her dishes and other odds & ends for her house, would it be considered incorrect for us to NOT buy her a gift for the shower? We have already spent a great deal on her & her husband and we have 3 other children to consider. After the expenses we will incur for the shower, I feel we have done enough…..what is the proper behavior? Thanks in advance & blessings to all!
Just as a follow-up, wanted to let you know the reason we are giving the shower after the wedding is because there wasn’t time before. Her husband is in the National Guard and had to leave before their scheduled wedding date so we moved it up and had to get it all planned in a rush. Thank you all for taking the time to give such great answers. It is going to be hard to pick the best one.
10 responses so far
10 Responses to “Wedding shower etiquette regarding gift from hostess?”
i think that on top of everything else, that giving her the shower is enough of a gift. she should be so appreciative of everything you have done for her that she she shouldn’t expect a gift.
Throwing the shower is your gift to her. You do not need to buy her another gift especially if you have done so much for her already.
My aunt threw my bridal shower, and that was my gift from her. So I think on top of everything else that you’ve already done, just throwing the shower is more than enough.
Etiquette dictates that the bridal shower should be thrown by the bridesmaids since that hasn’t happened you took it upon yourself to make sure her wedding experience is complete. I think you can find a gift for your stepdaughter that does not cost very much. For instance you can get her a photo album where she can put in pictures of the bridal shower. You could also get her a gift certificate to a restaurant or manicure/pedicure. Perhaps you could get her some type of bath and body products for her wedding night. I do think you need to get her a gift but it need not be an expensive one. I believe that the above gifts can be bought for less than $50. You certainly don’t want to offend her over something as small as a bridal shower gift.
I’m sure she realizes all that you have done for her, and a person can only use so many tea towels, anyway. Just get her a nice card that she can open at the shower, and call it a day.
Actually, the real etiquette question involves a “post-wedding” shower. Etiquette doesn’t recognize such an occasion. In fact, etiquette requires that if a shower is given, it must be given *before* the wedding. It would be considered nothing more than a solicitation for gifts after the wedding. I know you didn’t ask about this, but personally, I’d reconsider the whole idea. Besides, you’ve done enough for the couple already.
I think she should be grateful and realize how much you have done. Considering you are not even her biological mother. You don’t need to give a gift AGAIN. Congratulations on being who you are.
I got married last year, and told all of my bridesmaids/hostesses NOT to buy me gifts. I thought it was in poor taste because they took so much personal time out for my wedding, showers, luncheons, etc…Plus all the time they spent planning and buying supplies for the showers. It is silly for a hostess to buy gifts on top of all the expense of food, decoration, etc…
I have never even heard of a post wedding shower however if you want to give her one then it would be up to you to pay for it. The maid of honor should throw the before wedding bridal shower and if she didn’t then I would approach her about helping with a post wedding one.
You have given her lots. No need to give anymore.